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You compliment me on my smile
A smile that touches my eyes I have been told
I carry ahead with my chores, cooking, cleaning
I go out with friends during the weekends
I pretend to listen and sometimes I nod in response
Without fully hearing what I'm asked
You see inside my heart is a dark place
A tiny hole that threatens to spill into an abyss
That hole gapes a little wider each day
Taking a part of me with it, eating up my soul bit by bit
Some days I can pretend it doesn't exist
And carry on my life oblivious to its presence
But the other days, that are growing at an alarming rate
It envelops me like a cold mist, a wet blanket
It chokes me in its depths, I want to reach out
Cry for help, the few times I dared to I was told to grow up
Attention seeker, I was branded, It's all in your head
I have never raised my voice again since
I wear long sleeves, to hide the scars on my wrists
With each slit I made I was a step closer to oblivion
They remind me of the crossroads I'm at
The ones that I have to face inevitably sooner or later
If the choice was in choosing to let go or to carry on
What would I choose? Did I even have a choice?
You can pour cotton wool over my ears
Numb me for a while, get me high on antidepressants
But this feeling, it never goes away, not fully
Until you have to learn to build your life around it
The only ones who offer me solace are the people who have been there
They are the ones who hold my hand when I sink a little deeper
Another step, another day, they remind me
I hold on, try to stay afloat and on some days, I still smile...
P.S. Though I have written this in the form of poetry, that hole, depression is real. Compassion can go a long way to help someone. May the Eshas in our midst find courage and hope despite it all.
Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge.
Indeed, depression is real. And so is the suffering. Not many understand that though, and that's just wrong. Who are we to judge the battles someone else is facing, alle?
ReplyDeleteWe have no right another person's judge and sadly, that's what most seem to be doing. Thanks Leo.
DeleteCry for help, the few times I dared to I was told to grow up
ReplyDeleteThese were beautiful lines. I love the whole concept of your A to Z Challenge using names of Girls. I so missed doing this Year.
Thank you, Darling. And how come you are not participating this year?
DeleteI have the same feeling.. been there.. depression is like hell existing within us... It's so good that you are voicing all these concerns and relevant topics through the challenge.. Dear Asthira, this is awesome... brilliant piece of verse...
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pratikshya. As someone who has been there myself, I know what you mean. It is a living hell.
DeleteYes...depressin is for real and there are hundreds of Eshas around us who need help....good work.
ReplyDeleteThoughts...Sushree
Thank you!
DeleteSigh. Not enough space for mental health issues in our worlds.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It's sad that one of the most important issues today remains unsaid or hushed up.
DeleteBeautiful description of something so tough to understand. You are right compassion goes a long way. Thank you for sharing this today!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words, Tawnya.
DeleteIt's hard to acknowledge depression so it often goes unnoticed
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Deleteso true...you often miss sensing these signs of depression unless you really pay attention..outwardly they smile but the pain they feel within can drive them to the extreme...so well penned.
ReplyDeleteShubhangi @ The Little Princess
That's one of the reasons there are a lot of 'silent' sufferers. Thank you.
DeleteI wish she could talk it out. I have a friend of mine whose mother is going through this phase. He really tries to help her, but she is just not willing to succumb. And this happens with so many people around who refuse to talk about it, only because of the stigma attached to it...
ReplyDeleteYou've put this up beautifully.
Cheers
Geets
I guess we never will know fully. Some choose not to talk about it. As long as you find a way of coping with it and keeping it in control, it helps. Thank you, Geets.
DeleteYes, depression is real and it is present. You need people around you, to talk to and pay attention. Beautiful poem! Love your writes, Aathira :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shalini :)
DeletePowerful words that touches the heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks Vishal!
DeleteAmen to that!
ReplyDeleteThanks Soum :)
DeleteSad! Depression needs to be taken care of. Thanks for highlighting that through this piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Parul :)
DeleteThis is so real and people need to acknowledge it rather than hid the situation.
ReplyDeleteIf only. Thank you!
Delete