Thursday, December 18, 2014

Pre-Marital Sex- Still a Taboo?

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In a country which protests against public displays of affection, irrespective of the circumstances, sex is a topic which raises eyebrows. We live in a time when peeing publicly is considered perfectly normal but something like kissing or sharing a hug is a strict no-no. Hence, it comes as no surprise that pre-marital sex is a topic which is very rarely discussed. 

Though times have changed in the recent past with a lot of live-in relationships on the rise, pre-marital sex is still considered a big sin by many. No matter how forward thinking some may claim to be, they are the ones who are usually there at the forefront to judge the decision of others. 

Pre-marital sex when it is between two consenting adults, meaning they are old enough to take responsibilities for their actions, should not be the cause of a hue and cry. Of course, this is simply my personal opinion. There may be people who may or may not agree. But don't you think that's an individual choice? Don't we all have the right to make choices? The freedom to make those choices? 

But when you act as a consenting adult, you are also responsible to face the consequences of your actions. Because, simply regretting your decisions later on is not going to help. Practice safe-sex. Make sure you know what you are getting into before making a life altering decision. 

Introducing a subject like sex education can help children at an early age to decide for themselves on what is wrong and right. My wrong may be your right. But like I said, it's purely an individual choice. But make children aware, especially adolescents. It would be better than them relying on half baked stories from the internet or their peer groups. 

Pre-marital sex can have a lot of downsides as well if you are not prepared for it. Are you ready to risk facing a heart break that is inevitable if things don't work out for you as a couple? Unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases which can end gravely are some of the obstacles that you may have to face. Yes, that's just the tip of the ice berg. You should be prepared to take full responsibility for your actions. 

There are a lot of women who 'save' themselves for marriage as most of our Indian movies have taught us. And heaven forbid if she isn't 'pure'! That would surely mean that she would remain unmarried throughout her life. But times are changing and what is the use of claiming to be a virgin by body when you have a filthy mind? And why is it that only women are subject to scrutiny before marriage? Why is not applicable to men? Why the double standards? 

In times where feminism is on the rise and equality is being preached, the same set of standards should be used before judging a person. Sex is a necessity for all living beings, much like breathing or eating. So yes, as long as you are very well aware of the risks and consequences, pre-marital sex is solely your decision. But it also means that you are liable to your own self. Make love and not war. 

This post is written for Indiblogger in association with the topic 'YES or NO to pre-marital sex' for Poonaam Uppal. 

Poonaam Uppal is the author of the book 'A Passionaate Gospel of True love: A Mystical True Love Story' which is a story of love, magic and passion. Click on the link to buy her book. 


  1. We have a long long way to go before our society looks at sex and all it's related taboo with mature eyes. Quick to judge, quick to react, quick to blame... understanding a topic like pre-marital sex is I feel beyond their grasping power. Atleast the new generation is more mature to handle few of the sex related taboos.

  2. Your analysis is good and thought provoking. Especially the Double Standards one. Yes it is wrong to apply norms only to one gender. It must be same for both men & women. The Adult decision making Right, is OK, but most of those who indulge in pre marital sex are not adults. They are adoloscents. Leaving them alone or expecting them to realize the pros and cons is asking for too much from them. They do it in a moment of basic biological urge. Not after debating the topic. There comes the question of whether or not restrictions are needed. Look at the US, where teenage sex is a matter of fact. Are they all very happy ? And are our teenagers very unhappy due to our norms ?

    1. Thank you, Mr. Parsa. Yes, there is a vast difference between knowing whether you are making the right decision for yourself or giving in to the heat of the moment. I think it's called maturity. Which is why you need to be able to take responsibility for your actions. Adolescents should at least wait till they know what they are getting into.

  3. If it is between two consenting adults, it is a yes for me!

    I don't understand, why such a big deal is made out of it.

    1. Yes! It's a big yes! Though sadly, a huge hue and cry shall always surround this topic I guess.

  4. Ah....if only virginity was mandatory for men, they would have hit the streets with banners.
    Great Post!!!


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