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It was nearing sunset when I woke up in the too small motel room. The last rays of sunlight lingered around, reluctant to leave. The sheets wrapped around me were warm, the pillow still stained with my tears. I could catch the smell of him on me, sweat mingled with his favorite Davidoff. Hell, even my skin and hair smelled of him. But then, I had gone straight to sleep after our fight, him leaving in a fury at my accusations and me bawling my head off till sleep crept somewhere in between.
As much as it felt like my head was being hammered from inside, I willed myself to take a shower. In the crammed bathroom, I stood under the hot shower. Turning it to the maximum heat, I allowed the water to drone over me. A strange calmness against the threatening rains. It felt like my skin was being scalded. I wanted to get rid of all traces of him from my body. My heart, I knew, would take longer.
I saw my dress that was discarded in a hurry on the floor, a haste in the throes of passion. I left it there. I needed clean clothes, ones that still smelt of the strong detergent from home. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a white cotton top, I dressed hurriedly. Those were the only pair of clean clothes in my bag.
It was almost sunset. Not daring to give a second glance back to the room, which now held memories in all its nook and cranny, I stepped out. The motel was beside the beach, one of the reasons we had chosen to come here for the weekend.
I walked along the beach with just my thoughts and the soothing waves to keep me company. The sound of waves like a mother's lullaby, calling out to me.
I would never blame him. I couldn't.
In fact, I had known very well what I was getting into by falling for a married man. But some illogical part of me wished for my tale to have a happy ending. No matter how far fetched it may seem.
It would end like this. If not today, then maybe tomorrow. Our relationship never had a future. Not a content one, for sure.
I stood watching the sun as it dipped into the waters. It couldn't have been more perfect. The waves were a golden orange, the sky a mirage of yellow and deep pink along the edges. I let my tears fall freely on my face. Not holding back, relishing the wet trail it left across my cheeks.
This would be the last time. There would be no more tears, I thought with a steely resolve. I walked back to the motel to pack my bags, this chapter of my life firmly closed shut.