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I wear your old T-shirt as I sit here by the window. Watching, gazing as the world passes by; people wrapped up in their lives, going home to their loved ones. Your T-shirt is too big on me. It falls over my shoulders yet strangely, it gives me the warmth that my clothes don't. Maybe it's because it still smells of you. A bit of your sweat and love.
But today it no longer offers me the solace that it did some time back. Is it because I can feel your smell fading from this piece of garment that I guard fiercely? With each passing day, it diminishes. Much like your memories. I want to tear my hair apart, scream out in agony. But still, the pain exists. A dull ache, ripping into my soul.
I want to cry out loud, stop time, do something that would make me cling on those last shards of you that I carry around. I remember you wearing this T-shirt when you went out with your friends. It smelled of stale smoke and beer when you came back. I remember peeling it off your body as we made love that night. It lay discarded in a corner of our bed.
This T-shirt reminds me of the good times and the bad. But above all, it reminds me of love. Why did you have to go and leave me in the dark? Maybe time heals all wounds. But right now I can't think past this pain. My apartment, no, our apartment is still a mess. It feels like too much of a bother to get up clean it.
All I want to do is sit around and think of you. It's been few months, but I like to think that you are watching over me. Holding me close and wrapping me in your warmth. Outside, it's started to rain. I can see people scurrying about, anxious to get back home and make a cup of hot chocolate that they will get to share with their loved ones. I realize with a pang that I actually feel jealous of those people that I once despised. They have what I don't. All I ever wanted was you...
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