Q - Quintessential

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He was the quintessential guy of my dreams. Sexy with chiseled jaws, wealthy enough to own a chain of companies all over the world, masculine in a way that I found rare in the guys who had wooed me till now. In short, I had lost my heart to him. Yeah, the kind of love that makes your insides quiver and makes you go weak in the knees.

It was love at first sight for me. I was however, a nobody in his perfect, sparkling life. A struggling model trying to find her way to the top. All I had were good looks and a dwindling bank balance that would hardly get me through a couple months unless I landed a contract with one of the top modelling agencies.  

"You are blessed with good looks, but do you know how to use them?" my agent had asked me. I knew that the subtle tone he had used was far from innocent. In life, you have to lose some to win some. I had learnt it the hard way. 

I knew that it wasn't easy to get noticed in a crowd of pretty faces. With the right amount of contact and pressure, I cracked my way into his life. Though I felt guilty in taking advantage of him, I had no other choice. If only he would recommend me. I needed a much needed break; my tension had begun bordering on desperation. 

He had taken me in his arms and made me his with an ease that I failed to comprehend initially. I was the convenient arm candy. Love had never entered the equation, for him anyway. The arrangement was convenient. For both of us. 

That night, I wrapped my body seductively around his for the crowd all throughout dinner. I knew that we made a handsome couple. The classic couple, one that was the darling of the paparazzi. 

As he dropped me off at my apartment, he leaned in close and kissed my cheek. One so light that it was barely noticeable. Despite knowing everything, I felt my heart give a tiny flutter in my rib cage. Affection, and nothing more, I reminded myself. 

I held him in a tight embrace before stepping out of the chauffeur driven car. He had given me so much in the past few months, the priceless of all being hope. This would be the last night that he would need me. Tomorrow, he's flying away to Paris, a city where a man loving another man is not condemned. Tomorrow, he would start a new life. As for me, tomorrow was going to be a new beginning. 

Thanks to him, I had finally found a footing in the modelling world. More importantly, he had shown me that it was okay to have your heart broken, but not your dreams. That with the right person, love can be magical. As I turned I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I realized with a smile on my face that he was anything but quintessential. 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

P - Poetry

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Poetry, food for my soul

Words tumbling out at random

Sometimes it may rhyme 

And at times it may not

Poetry helps me jot down 

Thoughts scattered 

In an order that looks 

So good on paper 

Spilled ink in the form of words

Creating a rhythm all of their own

You nurture me in ways 

I cannot describe 

Ruffling of feathers,

Scratch of pencil against paper,

Dew drops on my face

Poetry, food for my soul...

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

O - Onward

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I was absolutely clueless as to what my O should be for. And that's when I thought of Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love) and how she signs off on all her posts with onward. Yeah, not goodbye, not cheers, but onward. Life is a journey and it means that we have to keep moving forward, no matter what. 

Onward. Isn't it such a beautiful word? It holds so much of promise and excitement for the future, all contained within our self. It reminds us of the things that we are capable of. Whenever you get stuck in a situation that compromises your happiness, remind yourself that this too shall pass. The trick is to go forward. Without stumbling. 

The bad times in your life is not going to last forever. Tomorrow is a brand new day. So, onward, dear friends :) Make all those dreams yours. 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

N - Never

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Read the previous part here.

Natasha 

I watch the bride enter the hall. She looks resplendent in the purple bridal saree. Eyes downcast, the bangles on her hand tinkling against each other as she walked. The big bindi  on her forehead, brings out her eyes. One that was filled with hope. 

I see Hari look at her. As their eyes lock, there seems to be a fleeting look on his face. But it vanishes in an instant. Or had I imagined it? It didn't matter. The wedding took place as scheduled. It felt strange seeing him next to her; as bride and groom, two sides of the same coin. With the weight of the garland weighing his neck, I can see him wipe the sweat off his face. 

Hari, Hari.. What have you gotten yourself into? Wasn't this what you wanted? A lifelong commitment? Were you so obsessed on securing your future that you failed to evaluate if you could actually be compatible with the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

I don't go up on stage to congratulate the couple, nor do I intend to. I don't know if he's seen me, but strangely, I'm not bothered even if he has. I came here for one thing; closure. And I think have got it. I get up and head outside; my hand cupping my belly. I'm not far along, just a couple of months and the bump is barely noticeable. Like a secret, I hold it close to me. 

Hari

It is just after the wedding that I spot her. Natasha. The girl who was once mine. Walking away, a smile on her face. Do I regret losing her? I don't know. The last time we had met, we had parted ways bitter. I had said a lot of things that I didn't mean to. I had wanted to hurt her. And I did. In the most painful way. Through my words. 

She bit back whatever she had meant to say to me. I was impatient and angry. I knew I had hurt her badly. I wish I could go back in time and wipe away her tears and hold her hands. Like we used to. 

Why she refused to commit to anyone was beyond me. That's just the way she is, I guess. I had wanted to make her mine and that was my big mistake. Deep in my heart I knew that she shall always be one of the best things that had happened to me. 

I sigh and turn to look at my bride. Her cheeks seems to be frozen in a permanent smile as she poses for the camera. She is shy, demure and everything Natasha is not. I stand close to her, our shoulders brushing against each other. And for her sake and mine, I can only hope for it to work out. Hope against hope. Just like how some things are never meant to be. 

The End. 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

M - Marriage

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Read the first part here. 

Hari 

My mind is in an inner turmoil as I get ready for my wedding. Have I made the right decision? The person that I chose to spend the rest of my life with; will she be a life long regret later on? 

Wedding jitters, I tell myself. But if these were just jitters, why do I have an impending sense of doom shrouding me? I push these thoughts aside try to and smile and joke with my friends and relatives as they fussed around me. Yet, the thoughts linger around refusing to leave, like a bad aftertaste. 

As I arrive at the wedding venue, I knew that it was almost done. There was no backing away now. I take marriage very seriously. Besides, it is only in movies that you see weddings breaking off at the last minute. Miracles like that simply don't happen in real life. I feel a pang in my chest when I realize that this was exactly what I had wanted, not long ago. 

Life had changed drastically since then. I'm no longer the shy guy who got tongue tied and couldn't string along two sentences even if his life depended upon it, while talking to women. I'm more confident, comfortable in my own skin. She had changed me. 

It was her that I fell in love with. At first sight. The red gown that she wore that fateful night remains a vivid memory in my mind even now. With her smoky eyes and luscious locks, she awakened something deep in me that it was almost an yearning. When she decided to make me the center of her attention, I was on cloud nine. 

The songs blaring out from the wedding hall bring me back sharply to the present. The hall is decorated beautifully. It looks like a scene straight out of a movie. Weddings have always captivated me. However, as opposed to a wedding which lasts just for a day, marriage was a sacred institution, one that I believed should be forever. 

As I watch my bride walk into the hall, I feel a tightness in my chest. If this was what I had wanted all along, why do I feel so guilty? 

To be continued ... 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

L - Love or Lust?

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Natasha 

I sip my coffee slowly. The Coffee Club is my favorite hangout place in town. Not only do they make coffee the way I love, their brownies are to die for. Today, however, I can hardly taste it. My scalding tongue reminds me that I'm probably drinking my coffee too hot. But I'm too numb to actually feel any of it. 

If someone had told me in the morning that my life would come crashing down today, I wouldn't have thought in my wildest dreams that it would come true. My life was perfect. Until a few hours ago. Till Hari had decided to bring up the dreaded question about our future - where were we going?

When we had embarked on this relationship, neither of us had any expectations. We had lived in the now, shutting away our past and the looming question of future. We were happy in each other's company. When a person you are with has zero expectations from you, you feel strangely liberated. At least, I did. 

Hari brought out a carefree side of me. All my worries would be firmly tucked away the moment I was with him. He brought me red wine on Friday nights, watched countless reruns of Friends with me, whipped me up crispy omelettes just the way I liked it and later at night, made love to me. For me, life was perfect. I loved way he loved me. Fragile, tender love. Or was it simply lust?

I still remember the night I met him. Couple of months back, at a friend's place. It was a housewarming party. A broody, shy guy who wiped his reading glasses with the edge of the T-shirt that he was wearing. As for me, I had broken up with Michael, an on off boyfriend of two years. 

I knew that he could hardly resist my charms. I was looking for something casual, on the rebound. And he was there. That night was the first of many more to follow. Something had drawn me to him after that. He was new in town and I spent all my free time with him, exploring my hometown with him. 

It was couple of weeks back that he had told me that he loved me for the first time. 

No! my heart screamed. I wasn't ready. Will I ever be?

To be continued (For sure, this time)... 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

K - Kiss

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Hold me close and kiss me 

Like there's no tomorrow

Fingers intertwined

Your breath on my cheeks

Waves caressing our feet

Sweeping the sand beneath 

Golden rays of the setting sun

All mesmerize me 

But none as much as your kiss

Lost in ecstasy

In your warm embrace

Kiss me one last time

Kiss me so that I can remember

When tomorrow is no more

What it feels like 

To be loved like this... 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge. 

P.S. I would like to thank all of you for the amazing response on Gouri :) When I had started penning it, I had no idea where it would go. However, now that I dwell more on Gouri and the story that she wants to be told, I have a feeling that it would be better compiled as a novella rather than blog posts. I have never written one and I have no idea what I'm getting into. But once I figure out the details, I shall share the link. Wish me luck! And, please don't hate me :) You all shall be the first to read it. Promise.