Saturday, April 2, 2016

B - Bhairavi

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The first time I saw her, I hardly gave her a second glance. There was nothing special about her, other than the fact that she was older than the rest of the girls. Not that I looked closely at any of them, I was too nervous. As days passed, so did my brazenness. I was a respected office going man by morning but by night you would find me frequenting that shady street. Or more particularly, that house on the corner which was filled with men only at nights. 

Why did I go there? I was not desperate for sex. In fact, I could easily go out on dates and find myself a good girlfriend if I wanted. But I didn't want companionship, neither did I want to open up to another woman. Not after her. Not after Bhairavi. 

Bhairavi. Love of my life. If the tales are to be believed and if there is only one soul mate for each of us, then she was mine. I had loved her for a long time and she had loved me back too. But when it came down to the matter of spending the rest of our lives together, practicalities got in. Pleasing the society was the norm and who were we to rebel? We let each other go. 

The regrets started creeping in slowly. A slip of tongue by a friend. Bhairavi was expecting. She had given birth. A photograph of a proud husband with his arms around her and their child. Her looking back adoringly at him. Then came the rage. Directed towards her, at myself, at life. And finally after many years, came the acceptance. And then, of course, these night visits. 

The woman didn't look like my Bhairavi. In fact, she was the opposite. Where Bhairavi was soft spoken and of gentle demeanor, this one had a crass mouth, wide hips and wild hair. It was later that I found out that she was a mother too. The night I paid for her, I asked her to hold me in her arms. I traced the silver stretch marks on her belly. Like bolts of lightning. She seemed taken back, but said nothing. I didn't want sex from her. I just wanted to be held. And maybe those memories of long back may decide to pay me a visit. 

"Don't you at least want to know my name?" she asked me finally, looking bewildered.  

"Bhairavi..." I whispered in her ears before crushing my face inside her hair. 


Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge

34 comments:

  1. wow !!! he should have done something if he loved her so much... You express emotions so brilliantly... I know I have said this many times :) Brilliant write.

    Visiting from A to Z Challenge
    Pam's Unconventional Alliance Team
    A Whimsical Medley
    Twinkle Eyed Traveller

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    1. Thanks a lot, Raj :) Means a lot xoxo

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  2. Wow..! This post.. has really touched my soul Aathira..

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  3. This is top-class raconteuring! Brilliant and vivid narration. So glad I found your space Aathira. Will be back for more :)
    http://relaxnrave.blogspot.in/2016/04/bring-in-outdoors.html

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    1. Thank you, Kala! And I'm glad I found yours :)

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  4. Great piece of writing Athira! The emptiness in his heart is so vividly described, you almost want to reach out.

    Shubhangi @ The Little Princess

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  5. I love your theme! Such a touching story. Well done!

    Karyn
    B Is For Bookshelves

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  6. Agree with Raji... you express emotions beautifully. Loved reading this!
    - Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com

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  7. Brilliant..your writings are a true expressions of the soul. That's what I feel :)

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Sushree <3

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  8. Brilliant..your writings are a true expressions of the soul. That's what I feel :)

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  9. Wow! I am going to be thinking about him for a while now. You are amazing!

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  10. Damn, why didn't he do anything if he loved her so much?

    Pleasing the society always caused pain. Always. And yet most people do it, that's the funny part.

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    1. That's something to think about, right? Fear of pleasing a society that we don't care about. And at what cost?

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  11. Wow ! I can clearly imagine the agony he experienced through your words.

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  12. You have brought out the emotions so beautifully Aathira. I love your writing.

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  13. Lost love!! Why he didn't do anything if she was so important to him? Sometimes we just let go such important aspects of our life, for no reason or some lame reasons.

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    Replies
    1. True. And realize it only when it's too late.

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  14. Awesome and I'm spellbound! Beautifully expressed!!

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  15. Such deep regret. So poignant, so well expressed the emotions, Aathira.

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  16. emotional,touching and very difficult to express in words

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