Mom shaming is a thing with two horns and a tail

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Ever since I became a Mom I have been judged for my choices. Not that the judging hasn't happened earlier, but I kept my mouth firmly shut rather than explain my choices out loud to people who thought it was fine to poke their noses in my personal stuff and had no idea what the term boundaries meant. Now I do realize that Mom shaming is a thing. Yeah, mothers are judged for their choices. All the time.

Going back to work so soon after the baby is born? How could you be so cruel?

Oh, you are a stay-at-home Mom? Don't you feel bad for not earning an income than slog around all day in your pajamas watching your kids? Is this really the kind of example you want to be setting your kids?

Bottle feeding? Why would you do that! Formula is the devil's food. No loving mother should subject her kids to anything that comes from other than her own breast. 

Still breast feeding? When do you plan to stop? Is it really necessary to take out your breast as soon as your child cries? Why don't you try pacifying him/her?

I mean, really? Don't even get me started on the questions that have come my way. I can go on forever. How a mother brings up her kids is her own choice! There is no need to be nosy or overtly curious. If she chose to be a mom, then she most certainly knows what her baby wants or needs. And she definitely needs no judging from others in addition to the mammoth task of bringing up her children.

I thought the questions would stop once the babies turn into toddlers. But hell no, if anything they seemed to have gotten more and more personal and even outright rage as to how dare I allow my kid to throw a tantrum in public! 

We all have our own ways of parenting. What works for me may not work for someone else. Just like each kid is unique in his or her own way, there is no one size fits all formula that work. There is no right or wrong way. In my case, I let my kids get it out before I can actually get them to calm down. My method of parenting is trial and error. I make mistakes. I watch, I learn, I grow. And if that makes me a bad mom, so be it.

But the sad thing is that a lot of the judging comes from other women who are most often mothers themselves. We all know that underneath the polished facade, there is a mother who's waiting to crack. Who binges on chocolate when her kids are asleep and let's face it, who feels guilty for yelling at her kids while at home. But if you have it all under control, if your kids are tiny angels, good for you. That person is unfortunately not me. 

There is no such thing as a perfect mother! One who feeds her kids organic food, never loses her temper when the said kids refuse to eat it and still has not a hair out of place and never, ever loses her cool. The day you can show me a perfect mother is the day I can show you an unicorn, trust me on this. We all have our good days and not so good days when we exist on cups of coffee and couple of hours of sleep, if you're lucky, that is. 

Instead of judging, how about trying to understand what the other mothers may or may not be going through? She may be having a child who's not like yours or she may be struggling with her own issues or maybe she's just having a bad day. You don't have to help but at least keep your opinions to yourself instead of going over and offer unsolicited advice when not asked. Because, if she wants help, she will ask. Until then, quit with the mom shaming. Please. 

I want to be...

...the froth of cream on your upper lip as you take that first sip of coffee.
...the tiny scar hidden behind your watch on the inside of your left hand.
...the mist from your breath that clouds the window, deep with longing.
...the first whiff of petrichor you inhale as it rains.
...the warmth of your faded blanket on your ice cold toes.
...the well thumbed page of your favorite book of poetry.
...the words that you bleed on to a page, black against white.
...the wind whipping against your face on a hill top.
...all this and so much more.

I want to be the love you deserve. Just let me.

Quest

There's a part of me that will always search for you. Through the days and months. Through the years. Through all my life and even beyond. You are my past, present and future. Without you, I don't exist. Sometimes, while searching for you, I lose myself. But when I do finally find you, my love, nothing would have been in vain. Till then, I will bleed poetry...

When did the love between us die?

Was it when you stopped searching for my hand to hold in the darkened corners of the movie theater? 

Was it when we began to converse in silence? 

Or was it when we both started forgetting the dates that mattered? 

Maybe it was when you started hiding your texts from me or was it when I found a stranger's smile attractive? 

Was it when I stopped dressing up for you? Or was it that time when I did and you didn't notice?

Was it when our smiles were forced and our laughter restrained?

Was it that time when you looked at another and it ceased to bother me?

Or was it when we started living separate lives under the same roof? 

Was that when our love died? Was it really that fragile? Or was it ever love to begin with?

Glimpses

There are things that you can't put a name to. They come and go, like fleeting emotions. Labels that have to be chucked out.

Today, when I lie in bed with a sore throat, feeling cold and miserable, you come in uninvited, invading my thoughts. I can't help or control it and I know only too well that it would be stupid of me to even try. You are a torrential rain on days like these, pouring down incessantly. 

I expect foolishly to hear from you. Not that you would. But I hope against hope, against the better judgement of me. Days like these, I wish you were here. Days like these, I look for a silver lining. Days like these, I half expect to see your name flashing on my screen. 

Dream or Nightmare

Wanderlust

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Exploring new places. Trying out different cuisines. Meeting new people. The symptoms are stronger than ever before. You, my dear, have gotten a bad case of wanderlust. 

Pack up your suitcases, take your camera and maybe some of those books that have been gathering dust on your bedside table. The notebooks that you have been meaning to write in; pack them too, you will need it. Leave behind those labels and boxes that are stifling you. 

Excess baggage is certainly not permitted. They are best left back. A solo trip, that's what you crave. 

Those shorts that have been bought and stuffed in the back of your cupboard because you never got around to losing that roll of excess fat, pack that too. Nobody is going to judge and certainly not care, this is your trip. Spread your wings and fly. And who knows, maybe, just maybe you may discover who you are. 

Wrong Turn

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Remember those mazes that you loved solving as a child? Where you have to make your way through and find the treasure? You know you have to reach the right place and there is only one way out. Sometimes you take a wrong turn and then you have to go back and erase your steps, in order to take the right one. What if that was not the way it was supposed to go? What if the wrong turn leaves you at the right destination? What if that was where you are meant to be, even though that was not what you had in mind or planned? What then? What then?

Red And White

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Tiny slashes across her wrists 

Drop by drop, red against white

Blood on ceramic 

The physical pain now matching her inner turmoil 

A little compassion was all she wanted 

Her cries for help fell on deaf ears 

She was supposed to be immune 

Locking away her emotions like she was expected to 

Her sanity went oozing out 

One, two, three... 

Too much in such a little time

Life was what had happened to her 

In this corner of a dusty bathroom 

People like her had no place in a cruel world 

They were labeled as weaklings

Survival of the fittest was the rule

Weeded out one by one

Blade against smooth skin 

She had given up

Almost 

But now she had a new reason to fight

To carry on living 

Inside her a new life bloomed 

The Year that was 2015

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Is the year really coming to an end? How fast time flew! 2015 has been a year that brought me both pain and joy, immensely. It saw me ticking off quite a few items on my bucket list. I visited Switzerland, which has been a dream for a long time. I read a lot of great books. Writing wise, I had started writing Gouri, a novella that I'm working on at the moment. Thanks to the A to Z challenge that I attempted in April this year, it made me realize what I was capable of and for laying seeds to Gouri. 

My blog was also selected in the top five personal blogs in India by Blogadda. I did not win, but the fact that it made it the top five in itself meant a lot to me. It gave me more confidence in my writing skills, for one. Writing for me is a therapeutic and healing experience. Couple of years back, writing did not play a major role in my life other than the occasional scribbling. But now, I can't imagine one without writing in it. That is how much I have come to value it. So much so that it is the very essence of who I'm today. 

Also, my blog was selected in the top 15 socially active book blogs by Baggout! Yes, I was cribbing and moaning about how miserable 2015 was, and I decided to stop complaining and focus on the achievements alone without dwelling too much on what didn't go as planned. Turns out, I did not do bad at all. Thanks to everyone who has stood by my side and been a part of my journey. Love you all. 

That brings me to 2016, I have big plans for the coming year. I want to do a lot more of travelling, read those books that have been piling high on my TBR pile. I also want to cover some of those classics that I have been meaning to read for quite some time now. There are a few that I read many years back and so re-reading them is on the agenda as well. 

I want to step out of my comfort zones and explore all that I haven't before. No, no resolutions for me other than to write more and be a more disciplined writer. As far as resolutions and me go, we seldom work out, so I'm going to refrain from unrealistic expectations without losing focus on the silver linings. Happy New Year, you all! 

I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.

Waves

                  

Missing you comes in waves. Sometimes it's the gentle lace wave caressing my feet, carrying the sand beneath them without a moment's notice. 

At other times, it comes crashing down, drenching me from head to toe. And when I least expect it, you are a whirlpool as you drag me down under. Smothering me, the salt water in my eyes and throat, blinding me, not allowing me to breathe, cutting down the flow of oxygen in my blood. 

But I'm still waiting for the day to let go, when I can finally drown in you. Won't you come? Or would you leave me here dying alone on the shore...

Cold

There was once a girl who was born with a void inside her. As she grew up, she tried to fill it with people, things and places. But the harder she tried, the bigger it grew. Until she gave up and tried to build her life around it. It wasn't easy, but on some days she could pretend that it didn't exist and get on with her life. And that was when he entered her life. He filled up the void with an emotion she hadn't experienced before. For the first time in her life, she felt she was finally going to be all right. But when he decided that she was too much baggage for him to handle, he left, taking with him all that he gave her and then some more. When he left, he took a part of her with him too. The void grew, a gaping hole in the centre of her being. A hole where her heart was supposed to be. A numbness in her soul. They called her cold after that. Emotionless. A cold blooded bitch. But she knew that anything, anything was better than being labeled a fool of love. 

Rock Bottom

Destitute.. Plain. Black. Hollow. A never ending spiral through which I'm falling. Grabbing the bannister, but clutching empty air in my hands. Falling, falling, falling. A rock hard bottom perhaps? I do not know. But what bothers me is that I couldn't care less. A bottomless pit. That's what I crave right now. For now, that is oblivion. A haven. Away from the noises of the world, away from its clutches. A void that refuses to be filled. One that refuses to leave the caverns of my mind. Thoughts, sliding inside my head, deep and dark, slimy like worms. I cringe. Why does it feel like I will never get out from here? Do I really want to? For now this feels dangerously close like home. 

You know you're a writer...

...when you miss the bold and italics feature even while writing on social media.

...when you're a solitary being and prefer your own company and a fun night means a glass of wine and a book at the end of the day.

...when you can get away with almost everything in the name of research. Addicted to Castle and Grey's Anatomy? Not to worry, I'm sure you will find inspiration in there somewhere. 

...when on those few occasions you are forced to be dragged out of bed in the name of social interactions, you find yourself in a corner shamelessly eavesdropping on conversations.

...when everything and I do mean everything, turns into fodder for your writing. The irritating pigeons who won't stop going at it outside your window? Turn them into cooing doves and weave it in between a line of poetry.

...whenever you meet someone new, you immediately try to find more about them. Not because you want to be their new best friend, but because they would make an excellent friend for your protagonist. 

...when you wish there was some sort of app/ technology that would help you to write even when you're half asleep, because that's when most of your ideas and inspiration strikes (like this very post) as it's highly unlikely that you would wake up and write it down in those early hours of morning leaving the warmth and comfort of your bed. The result in most cases being that you end up forgetting almost all of those brainwaves. The key word being almost. Side effects- frustration and regret throughout the day. 

...when people you hate end up dead in the stories you write. Of course, we will never admit that it's not fiction. No, not a chance. 

...when it's possible to travel without moving your feet. Feeling homesick? We just have to close our eyes and we are right there. Missing the rains? Conjure up a rainbow right now. See, anything is possible. 

...when you can tune yourself out of boring conversations effortlessly. Sure, I may look like I'm listening but chances are that I'm probably plotting my next chapter. 

...when you turn into grammar nazis while on social media and are tempted to gift a dictionary to a lot of people in your friends list, making you wonder how they ended up there in the first place. Or even think of reasons as to why there shouldn't be a crash course for people called 'Etiquettes and avoiding typos on social media'. I digress. But you get the point.

...when you are in awe of people who string along few sentences in a beautiful rhythm. People who remind you that literature and poetry are still alive and kicking. 

Monotone

Little things bother me today. A break in habit. A dream that could be lost forever. Cracks in the world around. A memory that refuses to fade even with time. An ache that's left in the wake of a beautiful soul...

Eternalize

Don't build me a monument of love when I'm gone

But tell me you love me when I'm alive and alone

Take me down to see the northern lights

Holding my hand throughout the night

Write me a poem, paint me in your words

For love gone by sure hurts

Tomorrow when the whole world forgets

Let us embrace what we have

And eternalize this love forever

Don't tell me what can't be done 

Show me that it's never out of reach 

Envelop me in your thoughts

Make me pancakes while I'm still in bed

And the coffee, let it go cold while you hold me close 

Morning showers, water dripping from my hair

Look at me like never before; sans makeup

Just the way I am - bared to my soul

Eternalize love, not through cliched gestures 

But always, always through your words

Why I love Mindy

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I had read so many good things about The Mindy Project that I finally decided to check it out myself firsthand. Saw the first episode and was hooked and completely in love with Dr. Mindy Lahiri who is played onscreen by her namesake Mindy Kaling. 

I love everything about the show. And I mean everything. Love? Check. Hot guy? Check. Cute guy? Check. Funny guy? Check, check and check. But it is Mindy who's the star of the show as the name suggests. She steals your heart with her sense of humor and her ways of life as she knows it. 

Her confidence and no nonsense attitude is what I like the best about her. Mindy is not size zero, yet she is unapologetic about it and revels in herself. The best part is that she is not simply shown as just another girl searching for love. She is a doctor, an Ob Gyn , no less and is dedicated to her profession and friends. She wears what she likes, carrying off even the loudest of clothes at an ease that makes you want to be her. 

What's not to like about the show? I binge watched all three seasons, laughing sometimes till tears ran from my eyes! Seriously, watch it and you won't regret it. It is not just Mindy, but there are so many other lovable characters, another favorite being Morgan, one of the male nurses at her practice. He never fails to crack me up. His jokes are always spot on. 

And not only is Mindy an actor, she's a writer too. Another reason to like love her! Though I haven't read her books, I shall be buying them soon. Mindy breaks all the stereotypes of Indian women on media, kicking ass as simply her fabulous self. She loves her bagels, doughnuts and cake as much as you and me. 

Isn't she awesome or what! You can imagine my disappointment when I watched the last episode of The Mindy Project season 3 yesterday. Imagine having to wait impatiently for more of her mind blowing Mindyness. It doesn't help that they decided to halt with a cliff hanger. Not. At. All. Though I had read the news that the show has been stopped, I felt really bad. I mean, it's such a good show, it deserves many more seasons. But cheer up, Mindy fans, the show has been picked up by another network (from what I read). So yes, the wait may be long but I'm sure it's definitely going to be worth it.

Okay, for now, let me grab some popcorn and watch it all over again :)

O - Onward

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I was absolutely clueless as to what my O should be for. And that's when I thought of Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love) and how she signs off on all her posts with onward. Yeah, not goodbye, not cheers, but onward. Life is a journey and it means that we have to keep moving forward, no matter what. 

Onward. Isn't it such a beautiful word? It holds so much of promise and excitement for the future, all contained within our self. It reminds us of the things that we are capable of. Whenever you get stuck in a situation that compromises your happiness, remind yourself that this too shall pass. The trick is to go forward. Without stumbling. 

The bad times in your life is not going to last forever. Tomorrow is a brand new day. So, onward, dear friends :) Make all those dreams yours. 

Linking this post to the A to Z Challenge.